it's a depression thing
Maybe you'd understand?
Last year (was it just last year?) I was diagnosed with "Major depressive disorder, recurrent severe without psychotic features". Good old F33.2. Note, please, that "without psychotic features" addendum. Phew. What a silver lining.
Maybe I was actually already diagnosed years ago; I've been in and out of therapy more times than I can keep track of, and never paid attention to the diagnoses until last year, when I had to submit the insurance billing myself (and don't try to convince me that wasn't a sign of how much my therapist really cared). I'm actually better than I was as a youngster. I can go into public places! I shower almost every day! So if this is severe (and it sucks, oh, it so sucks, don't get me wrong), what the merry hell was it then? Catastrophic? Is "Stupid Bad" a diagnostic classification?
Anyway. Anyway. Right now I have no therapist, can't find one I like, can't afford one anyway (hello, US healthcare), I'm taking my meds for whatever help they offer; I'm muddling through, because what choice do we all have. But I'm so damn miserable.
And then I realized: that's what the internet's for, right? Vomit out your feelings and let the electronic void swallow them up. So this is the place where I'll be sharing my bad moods and my lousy writing. Because my misery needed company, of course; not that the internet is likely to oblige.
-- Hoc Infernum
Last year (was it just last year?) I was diagnosed with "Major depressive disorder, recurrent severe without psychotic features". Good old F33.2. Note, please, that "without psychotic features" addendum. Phew. What a silver lining.
Maybe I was actually already diagnosed years ago; I've been in and out of therapy more times than I can keep track of, and never paid attention to the diagnoses until last year, when I had to submit the insurance billing myself (and don't try to convince me that wasn't a sign of how much my therapist really cared). I'm actually better than I was as a youngster. I can go into public places! I shower almost every day! So if this is severe (and it sucks, oh, it so sucks, don't get me wrong), what the merry hell was it then? Catastrophic? Is "Stupid Bad" a diagnostic classification?
Anyway. Anyway. Right now I have no therapist, can't find one I like, can't afford one anyway (hello, US healthcare), I'm taking my meds for whatever help they offer; I'm muddling through, because what choice do we all have. But I'm so damn miserable.
And then I realized: that's what the internet's for, right? Vomit out your feelings and let the electronic void swallow them up. So this is the place where I'll be sharing my bad moods and my lousy writing. Because my misery needed company, of course; not that the internet is likely to oblige.
-- Hoc Infernum
Comments
Post a Comment