Job'd
So....
I've struggled to write a short version of this story, but that combination of anxiety and disbelief leads to me keep piling on evidence. So this is not brief.
I work as a contractor. Not what I planned, but that's the economy I've found myself in.
My agency has had me at one particular employer for the last year and a half; I knew when I began that the contract was due to expire in 18 months.
A few months after I began, the woman who supervised me asked if I'd be interested in a full-time position. Forbes rated this organization the best employer in my state: naturally I was interested. Every two months or so, I checked in with her or she checked in with me: process continuing, normal, of course slow.
Early in this process, I got a very good offer from another organization: between salary and benefits, about 92% of what was being proposed at the contract workplace. I didn't tell the supervisor -- it felt manipulative -- but I did tell her they had expressed interest. She asked me to please stay while she managed the new-position process. I stayed.
A few months after, I began work on a hellish project: Ragged, demanding, and mutating specifications, using a tool that was brand-new to me, with an urgent deadline, captained by a project manager who seems to have a personal dislike for me. It was completed successfully by deadline, but we had to take on additional consultants to make that happen.
Project manager's takeaway was that I was problematic.
Early this spring, my supervisor told me the position had been approved, but there was a hitch. Since it was a new position, they couldn't hire me outright: they would have to post it publicly and interview candidates. I of course was welcome to apply.
So, no surprises about what happened next: they hired someone else.
I wasn't entirely clueless about where it was headed: I had to interview with the project manager and her associate, among others, and all the interviews were disconcertingly brief and superficial. Too, I have past experience with being hired permanently after working on a contract basis, and it was obvious that interest in me had flagged. Considerably.
Least favorite part of process: remaining as contract employee after hiring decision was made. Daily crying sessions in the bathroom. Endless self-recrimination, self-doubt; rising certainty that I'm terrible at what I do and have no redeeming personal qualities. Feeling betrayed and friendless eight-plus hours a day.
I've struggled to write a short version of this story, but that combination of anxiety and disbelief leads to me keep piling on evidence. So this is not brief.
I work as a contractor. Not what I planned, but that's the economy I've found myself in.
My agency has had me at one particular employer for the last year and a half; I knew when I began that the contract was due to expire in 18 months.
A few months after I began, the woman who supervised me asked if I'd be interested in a full-time position. Forbes rated this organization the best employer in my state: naturally I was interested. Every two months or so, I checked in with her or she checked in with me: process continuing, normal, of course slow.
Early in this process, I got a very good offer from another organization: between salary and benefits, about 92% of what was being proposed at the contract workplace. I didn't tell the supervisor -- it felt manipulative -- but I did tell her they had expressed interest. She asked me to please stay while she managed the new-position process. I stayed.
A few months after, I began work on a hellish project: Ragged, demanding, and mutating specifications, using a tool that was brand-new to me, with an urgent deadline, captained by a project manager who seems to have a personal dislike for me. It was completed successfully by deadline, but we had to take on additional consultants to make that happen.
Project manager's takeaway was that I was problematic.
Early this spring, my supervisor told me the position had been approved, but there was a hitch. Since it was a new position, they couldn't hire me outright: they would have to post it publicly and interview candidates. I of course was welcome to apply.
So, no surprises about what happened next: they hired someone else.
I wasn't entirely clueless about where it was headed: I had to interview with the project manager and her associate, among others, and all the interviews were disconcertingly brief and superficial. Too, I have past experience with being hired permanently after working on a contract basis, and it was obvious that interest in me had flagged. Considerably.
Least favorite part of process: remaining as contract employee after hiring decision was made. Daily crying sessions in the bathroom. Endless self-recrimination, self-doubt; rising certainty that I'm terrible at what I do and have no redeeming personal qualities. Feeling betrayed and friendless eight-plus hours a day.
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