And we're back!
From our commercial break? From Narnia? To life (and reality)?
Door number three, I think. Sort of. This has been a dark and paralyzing winter. I speak of my internal season, not the actual terrifying climate-changed mildness we experienced here.
When I am not working (and I am still not) and my drugs have not been working optimally (and they have not), as I descend deeper and deeper in the bathysphere of my own tedious psyche, I eventually become too intellectually detached and emotionally exhausted to actually take my drugs. With (eventually) predictable clinical results, so thanks, Science! Although I could have used a reminder that this was a Stupid, Ill-Advised, Very Bad Damaging Thing to Do. Particularly because the drugs I kept forgetting existed included those for other chronic conditions. Shame shame shame.
But here I am! Popping back up again, like bad pennies and good gardens! To a universal lack of notice, which, frankly, is actually something of a comfort. The fewer witnesses, the better, don't you think? Yes. Yes I do.
Reading an article about Kenneth Williams the other day, I was very much struck by this entry in his diary:
Door number three, I think. Sort of. This has been a dark and paralyzing winter. I speak of my internal season, not the actual terrifying climate-changed mildness we experienced here.
When I am not working (and I am still not) and my drugs have not been working optimally (and they have not), as I descend deeper and deeper in the bathysphere of my own tedious psyche, I eventually become too intellectually detached and emotionally exhausted to actually take my drugs. With (eventually) predictable clinical results, so thanks, Science! Although I could have used a reminder that this was a Stupid, Ill-Advised, Very Bad Damaging Thing to Do. Particularly because the drugs I kept forgetting existed included those for other chronic conditions. Shame shame shame.
But here I am! Popping back up again, like bad pennies and good gardens! To a universal lack of notice, which, frankly, is actually something of a comfort. The fewer witnesses, the better, don't you think? Yes. Yes I do.
Reading an article about Kenneth Williams the other day, I was very much struck by this entry in his diary:
Why oh! why did I keep on postponing experiences until it was too late to have them? I'm like someone who wanted - indeed ached to swim, but never dared put my foot in the water. Just sat and watched others doing it, till eventually the very idea of the water is alien and frightening. I am the living proof of the futility of thought without action.I feel ya, Kenny. I really do.
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