Not Unworthy: Worth Less
We all want to be Somebody, don't we?
Everyone craves the glow of admiration, the satisfaction of achievement, the confidence of understanding. Don't they?
But Special isn't available to us all. It's the blue ribbon, and there's only one for any contest, unlike all those green "participant" ribbons. The very definition of a "participant" ribbon is that it's not the blue....
Slogging through decade after decade of life, I still haven't had made my peace with being on the wrong side of that divide.
I have said for years that unless your talent cures the sick or feeds the hungry, it's immeasurably less valuable than to be good to people, to be respectful, kind, helpful. That should be how we measure ourselves. That is how we contribute.
I believe this, mostly. I value the people in my life largely based on the care they take with others, on their kindness, on their thoughtfulness. I value public people in much the same way: no matter how much I love your work, once I find out you're selfish or unkind, the shine is off for me.
But I know that, even using those criteria, even avoiding people who don't meet them, I want to spend time with those winnowed, worthy good people based on how much they sparkle. I will choose dinner with shiny moderately good over dull intensely good, every time.
And part of me can't see the point of me, if I'm not Somebody, if I'm not Special. If there's not something I can do, something useful or attractive, that I'm genuinely great at.
That seems terribly unfair. We can't help the talents we're born -- or sadly not born -- with. Most of us are average, again by its very definition, and how is it right to feel punished for that? To feel left out, bereft of meaning?
Is it just about fitting in, having people like me? Do I believe that if I had more to offer, I would have more in my life?
I know TDO would argue quite sincerely that I'm not average, and from a certain perspective I concede the case: I am fortunate to be rather bright, somewhat literate, pretty logical. But that perspective overlooks my point. Not Quite Average isn't the same as Special. The intelligence and talents I possess put me in what I'd guess would be at most a B or B+ range, when what I value is the A's. I don't see the point of polishing a B ability. It gives me no joy to be A-adjacent, to be worth less.
Everyone craves the glow of admiration, the satisfaction of achievement, the confidence of understanding. Don't they?
But Special isn't available to us all. It's the blue ribbon, and there's only one for any contest, unlike all those green "participant" ribbons. The very definition of a "participant" ribbon is that it's not the blue....
Slogging through decade after decade of life, I still haven't had made my peace with being on the wrong side of that divide.
I have said for years that unless your talent cures the sick or feeds the hungry, it's immeasurably less valuable than to be good to people, to be respectful, kind, helpful. That should be how we measure ourselves. That is how we contribute.
I believe this, mostly. I value the people in my life largely based on the care they take with others, on their kindness, on their thoughtfulness. I value public people in much the same way: no matter how much I love your work, once I find out you're selfish or unkind, the shine is off for me.
But I know that, even using those criteria, even avoiding people who don't meet them, I want to spend time with those winnowed, worthy good people based on how much they sparkle. I will choose dinner with shiny moderately good over dull intensely good, every time.
And part of me can't see the point of me, if I'm not Somebody, if I'm not Special. If there's not something I can do, something useful or attractive, that I'm genuinely great at.
That seems terribly unfair. We can't help the talents we're born -- or sadly not born -- with. Most of us are average, again by its very definition, and how is it right to feel punished for that? To feel left out, bereft of meaning?
Is it just about fitting in, having people like me? Do I believe that if I had more to offer, I would have more in my life?
I know TDO would argue quite sincerely that I'm not average, and from a certain perspective I concede the case: I am fortunate to be rather bright, somewhat literate, pretty logical. But that perspective overlooks my point. Not Quite Average isn't the same as Special. The intelligence and talents I possess put me in what I'd guess would be at most a B or B+ range, when what I value is the A's. I don't see the point of polishing a B ability. It gives me no joy to be A-adjacent, to be worth less.
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